It feels so good to be home again and getting back into my normal routine...well, normal for me anyway. Here's how my entry into shul went on Saturday.
“Rootie, vat was a nice girl like you doing living in a canned ham? Are you meshugnah?…It’s just not kosher.”
Hmmm. That’s a good question and my immediate reaction was to feel guilty (an automatic nervous reaction) but then I explained it to him.
I wasn't eating ham; just living inside its shell. Certainly that must be okay. Unless I decide to eat us out of house and home, that may be crossing the line, but it was just a dwelling.
If I were a homeless Jew would I need to find a cardboard box that had a kosher symbol on it for a dwelling? I think not!
Well, that stumped him. I argue with him all the time, but that’s what my people do for sport. My motto is that if you ask two Jews you’ll get three opinions.
He’s highly suspicious of me (and rightly so) and refers to me as the “root of all evil” since Ruth (pronounced root) is my Hebrew name. It’s also hard for him to gander as why Left Brain the Lutheran has LCHAIM as his license plate and not me.
I got even with him in the past by naming my cat after him and discussing the neutering process it had gone through. THAT created some interesting dialogue for a while.
Then I assured him that the only ham inside our walls was me and I could hear him offer a prayer for Left Brain and mumbling something about “he’s such a mensch to be living with that woman”.
My fellow punster, Moshe (who has an infectious sense of humor) warned me that G-d could smote me for making such problems.
It’s a good thing I sit in the “no smote-ing” section of the synagogue.
Long Live the Queen of Kosher Ham Living