Sunday, May 21, 2017

Advice From Friends

I've received a lot of encouragement from friends and family in this new journey of self exploration, and good advice as well.  This has been very helpful and I thank each of you that has shared your thoughts with me.

One common theme I'm hearing is a request to get busy creating again since that was such a large part of who I am.

I'm doing this in a myriad of ways.  The singing is certainly one of the newer ones, but there are some hands on methods as well.

I recently dragged out all my quilting stuff and after doing some cutting of fabric and planning got totally overwhelmed and packed it all back up.  I think I need to just pull out a project or two since it was just too much to take in.

Now that I have the massage table I would like to have a new quilt to put over it.  I have a couple of projects that have already been started that might work nicely for this and reduce my pile of "stuff" to be finished.

I also have designed a new case for my pool stick since I don't like the one that was given to me.  I love the design process the most.

Bit by bit it will all come together.  This rebuilding of ones self takes time and a great deal of patience.

Long Live the Queen

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Meet Henrietta

I've found the best way to make hard boiled eggs is in an electric cooker.  Easy, simple clean up and perfect eggs.

I already had one, but when I met Henrietta I couldn't pass it up.

The major selling point was that when she was done she signals by clucking.  This was too good to pass up!

I also added some removable wallpaper to the surface so it went with the paper on the china hutch.

Long Live the Queen

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

More furniture ...but not the usual kind

I had a massage recently and it inspired me to do something crazy.  I ordered a massage table to work on some friends here in the park.  Yeah, it surprised me too.

It's just a cheap table, but should suit the purpose.  Now I need bodies to practice on to get my skills back up to par.  I'm pretty sure I can get my neighbor to volunteer and think this may help with her back issues.

My first satisfied customer
 Of course, the cats think it's just another cat bed for them.

I picked up some twin sheets, a couple of CDs and ordered my favorite lotion.

It's a bit crowded in the Arizona room, but should work out
I was surprised when going into Best Buys at the lack of music they carry any more.  It seems to be all phones, tables and TV's now.  Another way of life gone....guess I need to get with the times.

Long Live the Queen

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Taking care of business

The day started as it always does with sitting on the deck having breakfast while the cats play and enjoy the fresh air...this usually takes place about 5:30.

I ran some errands and then took the cats to the vet for their rabies shots and nail clipping.  George's teeth probably need cleaning again and when I do this I'll sign up for their monthly fee health plan since that includes a dental visit and would save me money.  Gracie will just be on a pay as we go basis since she generally doesn't need anything done.

When we returned we all took a little cat nap to recover.

Monday night we have movies in the ballroom and the movie showing was Sully.  I've seen it before, but wanted to explore the movie night in Carriage Manor, so went anyway.

We had the tables set up and everyone brought over the better chairs from the card room.  The popcorn machine was going and for $1 you had all the popcorn you wanted, with bowls provided.  The movie is free, so it's a pretty cheap evening.

At the end of the movie I turned to my friend, Bill and announced he should not worry about anything during his flight in a day and a half...after all, his seat IS a flotation device.

Then I noticed Paul and Sandy were sitting out enjoying the evening air so I joined them on their deck for a while.

It was a nice relaxed day and much enjoyed.

Long Live the Queen

Monday, May 15, 2017

My Living Alone Experiment

It's been two weeks since starting our separation and so far things have gone well for both of us as we learn more about ourselves, both as individuals and as members of a couple.

I was amazed at the outpouring of love and support in this decision to step back and take time to assess my life and myself.  It feels terribly selfish to me yet, but very necessary.  Maybe it was the turning of 65 and wondering if I've really done everything I've hoped to accomplish in this lifetime.  It seems too old for a "mid life" crisis, but then I've always been a late bloomer, so I guess I'm right on schedule.

At first I kept myself busy setting up things, as did he.  Now things are slowing down and I've had more time to start doing more introspection into what it is I really want and praying for guidance.

It seems such an easy question..."What do I want out of life?"  But it is not.  I'd been so busy most of my life taking care of my children, my parents, my job, etc that somewhere I got lost in the shuffle.  It's hard to start a conversation without using the "we" form.  When you turn the M in me upside down you get WE.  That's how I've been feeling, like I was turned upside down and ME was stuck on its back like a turtle struggling to right itself.

In my desire to keep harmony in the home I found myself turning away from my own desires and just going along with what my husband wanted.  It seemed easier at the time, but the price tag was high.  This is the same pattern I had with my previous marriages as well.  Maybe I'm just a wimp that hates confrontation.  But one thing it is not is living an authentic life.

It's a bit like being on a merry go round and feeling dizzy but being afraid to jump off.  I finally got to a part in my life where I had the courage to let go and take my changes of crashing to earth.  The initial landing might be rough, but then the spinning stops and your mind begins to clear.

The first thing I found in living alone is how important music is to my soul.  When I got into the karaoke club I rediscovered my love of music and singing.  When I would chant the morning blessings at the synagogue I had a regular outlet for singing that has been sorely missed.

Being in the billiards club gave me a feeling of being included, valued and needed.  I find that concentrating on perfecting my skills hones my concentration and calms me.

Pickleball has always been a constant in my life and continues to provide a physical outlet and form of exercise as well as fellowship with others.

I am still very much an introvert, but find that I need much more outside contact with others than I every imagined.  Perhaps I'm a very outgoing introvert?  Can one become an extrovert over time?

At times I find myself adrift and feeling alone and getting teary eyed, then other times I feel like I'm a much needed vacation with only myself to consider.

Each day I feel less afraid and look forward to what revelation the next day will bring and searching inward for what it is that fulfills me.  We'll see what the next two weeks bring.

Long Live the Queen