Saturday, December 22, 2018

I'm Still Alive and Doing Well

It's hard to believe I haven't posted anything since September...and here the year is almost over.  

I've been keeping busy with the development of our Patio Grill, the little cafe in our park.  The former chef retired and we've started the season with a new person and lots of committees, sub committees and sub sub committees involved in trying to change things up. Part of this is altering how we take the meal orders, the layout of the service table, cashier, etc as well as the menu.  Lots of changes and lots of opinions from many, many people.

My job (mainly) is in marketing the Patio Grill.  I've learned it's really hard to do this when everything is in a state of flux with daily and sometimes hourly changes.   In addition to this is the fact we run with all volunteers other than the paid chef and one kitchen employee who mainly runs the dishwasher and helps stock, etc.

During this process I have been to more meetings than I care to remember - often emergency meetings with little notice.  I have designed, redesigned and redesigned multiple times the menu and the ordering form. This has cut into my ability to do the things I really WANT to do...pickleball.

To alleviate the stress in my life I've resigned as secretary of the Pickleball Club and backed off from doing much with ticket sales and events.  I have paid my dues and only play for fun when I'm able to.  I'm not doing any tournaments this year.

I noticed just recently that my life seems to be calmer.  I took Thursday to clean and rearrange the house into a more spacious looking environment.  That felt SO good. Before this point I'd had a hard time to find time to just go get groceries and my energy had plummeted to depths where all I wanted to do was sleep.

Maybe I had gotten so overwhelmed to the point I couldn't stand it any more and just kind of "gave up" and "stopped caring".  I think this was a good thing for me, because now it seems nothing bothers me any more.  I find myself stating "not my circus, not my monkeys" every time some kind of quasi-crisis arrives.  

Life is good and I feel my energy surging upward again, but with a newfound knowledge to not over commit to anything.  All in all it's been a good life lesson.

Long Live the Queen


Wednesday, September 12, 2018

The Battle of the Bulge




From the time I was born I was a scrawny little thing.  Don't worry, this is the only nude photo of me you'll see. It seemed no matter what I ate I just never gained weight or grew much.  



As I aged I continued to be kind of a “stick” but did soar up to my current 5’ 3”.  All my life I was physically active, some much say hyper (and they’d be right) and perhaps this is why I never gained much weight.

When I married I was 110 pounds.  Right before I delivered my 8 lb 14 oz baby boy I was the heaviest I’d ever been….131 pounds.  After birth I dropped immediately back to 110. Then time went on and I was in my 30th decade and going strong.



At the age of 33 I ran the Twin Cities Marathon.  At the age of 40 I achieved my black belt in karate.  I was in the best physical condition of my life.  It was here I made my mistake when I uttered the famous words to my husband “If I ever get over 130 pounds again just shoot me”.


I'm second from left with bo staff.

I really thought I had the determination and fortitude to overcome any kind of weigh problem and then I made my second mistake.  I laughed to G-d that maybe I should balloon up to 200 pounds and “show ‘em how it’s done” as I whip myself back into shape.

G-d has a wicked sense of humor and in my 50th decade I was unable to cope with the stresses life had thrown at me and my weight went up and up.  I wish I could say it crept up on me, but no…BAM!.  It was insta-fat.  Kind of G-d’s way of saying “OK little girl…show me what you can do”.

I’d have luck with losing weight and then it would slide right back on again, the numbers creeping higher and higher.  I did Weight Watchers and lost 30 pounds.  Looked great and felt even better.  Nothing feels as good as sliding into those previously too tight blue jeans. Problem solved.  Nope.  Soon the old habits came back and the weight went up another notch.

Fast forward to my 60th decade and along with receiving my Medicare card in the mail I stared at the numbers on the scale.  Yup.  200 pounds.  On a 5’ 3” frame.  Not pretty.
I remembered the panic when my pant size had gone from a six to a ten in years past.  

I'm hoping this can be a "before" photo some day
I grew to accept this and soon it was a 12, a 14 and a 16.  It’s just a number, right?  I can put myself into such a state of denial I can justify anything but when I hit size 18 and started looking at the 1X for a little more breathing room. Then G-d decided to up the ante and soon I saw the numbers climb to 207 on the scale. I knew something had to be done.

So far, I’ve been lucky.  I haven’t developed any joint problems or diabetes, but I know I’m playing Russian roulette with this if I continue on this course.  

I can’t understand how I can play 2 – 3 hours of pickleball a day and still weigh this much.  Could it be the classic coke with all that sugar?  Maybe it’s the handful of dark chocolate Hershey’s kisses at night?  Portion control...what's that?  If it says feeds four it will be perfect for the two of us. You know, like those tents that claim they sleep four...all lies. Like a reformed sinner it was time to do penance.

Since I’d tried the Whole30 diet last summer and lost 12 pounds in a month I know I’m capable of losing.  But that was so restrictive with not being able to eat sugar, dairy, legumes, grains, alcohol, and I forget what else.  Let’s just say it was very limiting in what you could eat and the menu got pretty boring.

My goal when I left Arizona last summer was to grow out my hair and lose 50 pounds.  Well, my hair IS longer than it was.



So…back to Weight Watcher’s I went. 
 
I signed up for six months on the online version and was amazed at all the changes in how they assign the “points”. There are 200 foods that have zero points.  These are mostly veggies and fruits but also include chicken and eggs.  

I can basically eat anything I want as long as I stay within my daily allotment of points, which is 23.  But then there are 35 additional points each week to cover some of those days where you do go over and this makes it less crazy if you find yourself eating out.


The online tracker is great.  You look up your food and enter it and it keeps track of what you’ve used and how much you have left.  

It keeps frequent foods listed for easy tracking.  My top two are Coke Zero and bananas.  The best feature in my opinion is the scanner.  



You can scan the bar code on any food and it tells you how many points and what size of portion.  I use it in the grocery store to check one brand against the other to find the most bang for my buck…. calorie wise that is.

You can log in your weight each week and it gives you a little graph of how much you’ve lost and sends you congratulations and encouragement. 

You can connect with other people who are on the same journey …kind of Face Book for Fatties – a very select group of us.  This is my substitute for  attending an actual meeting, which gives me more flexibility.

There are recipes you can check into without having to buy the special cookbooks.  That’s really nice.  I haven’t used the other feature yet where you create a recipe but that looks like fun also.  I imagine you enter the ingredients and points for each item and how many servings and it comes up with the point value.  I love having something do my math for me!


It even allows you to sync with my Fitbit app to log in how many steps I did in a day and it figures out my “Fit Points” that I can also use for those times you over indulge, but I don’t want to because I want this weight off as soon as possible.

It’s become kind of a game with me, which makes it fun and challenging.  Is it fun for Left Brain living in this new world?  Probably not, but he can also have a larger portion or seconds of something.  Plus it means I’m in the kitchen a lot more and he does like that.

Is it fun?  Do I get hungry?  Yes, it’s mostly fun.  Sometimes it’s annoying because I like to have my way and this means I can’t do that.  Portion control has never been in my vocabulary before.  Yes, I get hungry but that’s usually because I was too lazy to get up and have a plum, apple or some grapes as a snack.  I guess that means I have control issues but prefer what it is I'm controlling.

Does it work?  YES.  I’ve only started two weeks ago and have lost 5 pounds already.  The best part was seeing the first number on the scale be a one instead of a two for the first time in years.  When I weight myself at various times it still shows 200 or 201, but I have to remind myself it’s baby steps.


I'm hoping for an "after" photo like this.
So, wish me luck on this journey and who knows.  Maybe after six months I’ll post a before and after photo.  I hope they look different.  I mean G-d is forgiving and surely able to see I’m sorry for my cocky ways…right?

Long Live the Chubby Queen



Monday, September 10, 2018

An Ah-ha Moment in the Midst of Mess


I had a real “ah ha” moment recently.  One of those eye openers that you just can’t ignore.

My step-daughter’s mother died recently and I was allowed to be part of the crew to come in and assist in cleaning out the apartment.  I consider her my daughter but to say my daughter’s mother died would be confusing.  Well, you get my drift.

A little backstory on her mother.  She and I were eerily similar in so many ways.  Both of us are Norwegian in heritage and then there’s the obvious of both of us having been married to the same man.
  
She was a very talented woman with skills ranging from being musical and playing clarinet in a band (also my instrument in high school), she loved music and art.  She had creative talents such as sewing, baking, decorating and calligraphy.  OK, she’s got me there, I can’t even read my own writing and she produced this stunning calligraphy.

She loved to laugh and did so often and loudly, but was troubled with depression.  Another thing in common.  I believe her humor was a bit more refined than mine.

We both shared a major fault.  She tended to hoard things and stockpile materials for projects to do “someday”.  I like to think my “collections” were kept neater than hers and therefore not hoarding but I could be wrong (or just in denial).

My awakening to this problem came to light seven years ago when we had to downsize to a 32’ motorhome to live in for five years.  So many “things” that I had to part with and it was so hard to do.  But afterwards I felt so much lighter.  It was like looking at all those unfinished ideas were staring at me and shouting “Failure!”  I knew I could never live long enough to use it all up, and yet could not stop collecting whatever caught my eye.

My situation seemed less out of hand because at the time I simply had more space in which to store stuff.  Most of it was in the basement (which resembled a craft/quilt store) and out of sight and out of mind.   Even though she moved into a three-bedroom condo with a garage it was simply not enough room to put things away in an orderly fashion.

Maybe being forced to see all these things around her made her feel like a failure also, but like me she couldn’t stop from buying all the material things that might make you happy.  Kind of like a person with a gambling addiction that can’t stop taking the next risk because the rush of it feels so good. I wish I could have known her more.  We’d have had some great talks.

It was a lot of work removing things and clearing out the space for new people to live someday and I was honored to be allowed into the situation with all its messiness and chaos to help.  I couldn’t stop thinking that this could have been me someday if I hadn’t been forced to abandon so much of what was holding me down before.

I’m sure the casual observer would look at this disaster and think, wow…what happened here.  It’s sad.  Hoarding is a disease and I’ve seen the effect it’s had on other families.  The person doing the hoarding keeps pushing people out of their lives as it becomes too uncomfortable to visit them in their environment.

And that’s what really hit me…and made me sad.  As we’re packing things up to be donated I noticed all the little touches.  A lovely two tiered plate with packages of tea artfully spread with a cup nearby, just ready for a guest who might stop by.

The decorative touches that were so painstaking planned and with an artistic eye to please whoever was to show up.  The table runner on the antique table.  The place-mats and linens for entertaining.  The candles and art everywhere to create a relaxing ambiance.  But none of that was visible without looking for it.  The eye is too distracted by the unfinished projects and items stacked up everywhere.

Before we left that day, the kitchen was cleared out and the counter tops washed.  We brought in some carryout to eat and sat at the table, something that was barely visible earlier in the day. You could move about between the rooms and we all felt our collective breathing relax just a bit.

So, it was with a profound sadness that I thought about the woman who had lived there trying desperately to be the person she really wanted to be but unable to achieve it.  The most chilling knowledge of all is that that woman could have been me.

Long Live the Queen

Monday, August 27, 2018

The Photo Shoot

My granddaughter Emily will be a senior this year so it was time for graduation photos.  She had an earlier session with a professional photographer, but now it was time to pull out the big guns...Kiersten and myself.

We started out with the blue dress and by the vines near a pretty bridge. 




I was not able to achieve quite the stance that Kiersten did, nor did I try.



We stopped from time to time for the sisters to inspect the images gathered.  Kiersten is a natural with the camera so I let her do the bulk of the work here.



They did several shots on the bridge, I liked the concept of having her look out into the sky and being the good granddaughter she is, she humored me.




Then it was time for a wardrobe change.  I took her over to a nice alcove near the building that would shelter her from view and at the last minute noticed there was some kind of class going on inside.  Ooops.  We almost made some old guy's day but then adjourned to the car for the clothing switch.

Then it was into the goldenrod and tall grasses with the second outfit.  I love her in this outfit, it just seems to sum up her personality so well.




 I spotted the bench to try some sitting shots.



This really shows off those gorgeous long legs of hers.



Then Steph wanted to get a photo of the three of us and I couldn't resist hamming it up with a flower between my teeth and didn't even know Kiersten was biting the other end until I downloaded the images.




I thought this was all done, but no...off to another park.



This park is rented out for a lot of weddings and luckily the reception party that was supposed to be there didn't show up, so we had plenty of time to take in the hydrangeas.



This had extra meaning as the girls other grandmother had recently died and she loved hydrangeas so it had a bittersweet mood.



It was a lovely day spent with three of my favorite females.

Long Live the Queen




Wednesday, July 18, 2018

The Mega Litter Box

We have two cats.  That makes eight cat feet in total, whose main purpose in life seems to be tossing litter about the abundant 400 square feet that we all coexist in.

There's no good spot for this, so it is located in our bedroom closet.  Not ideal, but workable.  I love the ease of the litter genie, but would always spill litter when transporting those golden nuggets from the box to the genie.  What I'd really like is a real litter genie, one that would just come in and "poof"...the box is clean.

The problem is that someone couldn't seem to keep their butt all the way inside the box and was making a mess on the floor of the closet.  Not acceptable.

I tried adding puppy pads outside the box, but that just seemed to convince them that it was okay to just pee on the puppy pad, which yes..that is what it is for designed for...but again.  Not acceptable.

So, in frustration I went and bought the largest plastic bin that would still fit in the closet, added the litter genie and two containers of litter.  No more spillage from the litter box to the genie.



Now it's just another day at the beach for the furry ones and nobody is able to pee outside the box.  I applaud thinking outside the box...just not peeing.

Hmmm, maybe I need to add a little beach umbrella for them.

Long Live the Queen of Creative Solutions

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Spending Time with Kiersten

Left Brain has been taking our fifteen year old granddaugher out to practice driving lately and I had her bring along her camera to do a little photo shoot after our lunch.

The town of Elk River is not large, but it's packed with character.  I especially enjoy the murals downtown and this is my favorite.




The other mural is kind of hidden behind the trees, but the setting is sweet with the splash pad for kids.  Note the porta potty is also painted to blend in.




Opposite this is an ivy covered wall that seems to enjoy being mostly by the windows.




There is never a shortage of things to photo when you just start looking around.







Long Live the Queen

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Stormy Weather

I guess  I should quit whining about the heat and humidity in Minnesota.  Back home in Arizona the weather has been much more nasty since this is the monsoon season.

Here is a clip of what it looked like recently as reported by the local news.

Our neighbor snapped several shots of the damage nearby.

The roof of one car port went flying into another person's house...ouch.

There's lots of trees down in Patriot Park.




Our biggest damage seems to be the storage shed getting blown over and the door coming off, very minor compared to others.


Long Live the Queen

Friday, July 6, 2018

Back when I was thin...reminiscing

I've always been thin, skinny, slender, a stick...you get the idea all my life.  Until menopause hit and reset all my wiring.

 It's still fun to see my photos from the "old days".


Some of my favorite years were when I was involved in karate.

Here's the teacher photo from way back.  We weren't allowed to smile...very serious people here.  I'm the one on the left holding the bo staff...my weapon of choice.


This is Left Brain and I doing some drills.  Note he still had hair.  Well, at least some.


Long Live the Queen

Monday, July 2, 2018

Accepting the Way I Am

I had such lofty goals when I left Arizona last May.  My plans were to grow my hair out, lose 50 pounds and amaze everyone when I returned to Arizona.  Ha!  The hair is starting to grow, can't screw that up...but I've gained three more pounds. Sigh.

Coca Cola has been my drug of choice for ages, ever since my mother started feeding it to me in a bottle at eight months of age.  But as you can see from the old advertising, this was encouraged in those days.



I've tried to kick the habit many times with no success.  Oh, I might go a month or two without it and then bam...I have one and am hooked again.  I have finally accepted this as part of my DNA and have moved on.

Chocolate is my main food group and I've tried to kick the Hershey's kisses habit as well, but find myself gobbling down chocolate chips and any other form that's out there.  Kind of like a drunk that will drink the mouthwash.  It's not pretty, but it's what it is.  At least the dark chocolate is good for the heart.

Thank goodness I never started smoking, or that would be another in my list of confessions.  Yes, I tried it...at age seven.  Didn't like it much and haven't tried it again since.

Generally I'm an upbeat and happy person, but sometimes things just drag me down for no reason.   I figure even though I'm way past menopause, I still have a monthly cycle I go through with mood swings and a case of the grumpies.

Thankfully I'm married to a wonderful man who understands all my ups and downs and gently helps me roll through them.

So.  I am what I am and have decided it is enough.

There, that felt liberating!

Long Live the Queen

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Getting the Message!

I thought I had successfully rebooted my life after the last post, but apparently not.

It was one of those mornings where you really don't want to get out of bed in the first place, but you make yourself carry on.  

The way I've been playing pickleball lately I wasn't feeling up for any tough competition and the heat index was ramping up , so I decided to try my luck playing indoors.

The plan was to enjoy some light play, change clothes and do some shopping, get a hair cut, fill the gas tank and have a nice lunch.  It was such a good plan.

One hour into playing I managed to smack myself in the head with my paddle.  Ouch!  I could feel an immediate bump but played for a little while anyway but started to feel weird.



I got an ice pack from the office on the way out and decided to just go home and hide in my little cave until I felt better.

So message received...if you feel like you should stay home...stay HOME.

Long Live the Queen (whose crown will not fit until the swelling has gone down)

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Rebooting one's life

Although my life lately has been full and pleasant, there sometimes comes a snag.  Then it's time for a reboot.

I woke to a gray and windy day, which meant I'd be playing pickleball this morning indoors.  When it was time to leave I had Gracie curled up on my lap and was reading my new book.  I hated to leave, but off I went.  I should have honored my feelings of slothdom and stayed home.



The play at the courts was not very exciting and I was not feeling stimulated at all.  Then I went to smack a ball and hit it weird, causing it to fly into my right eye.  Ouch.  Fortunately my glasses took the blow and double fortunately they did not get broken...smeared up and possibly scratched, but intact.

Later on I was waiting on the bench for an open court and decided to tie my shoe.  This caused a twinge in my right knee.  Come on!  Who hurts themselves tying a shoe?  I decided to ignore the twinge and got up to play.  Barely into the game I swung my paddle, missed the ball and nailed my kneecap with the handle.  Zounds!  That hurt.  I had to quit the game and let someone else take my place.

That's when I decided to just go home and lick my wounds. This is where I noticed the low tire pressure signal was on again.  This appeared earlier and Left Brain took care of all the tires and it was out for about a week.  Now it just seemed alike a metaphor for my day...low pressure warning.



I grabbed a McDonald's breakfast on the way home, showered and climbed into bed so I could restart my day.

In the early afternoon I was able to relate my misadventures to Left Brain as I sat all snuggly in my jammies listening to the rain fall.  It's so good to have a friend to whine to.

Tomorrow will be another day.

Long Live the Queen