I'd thought about jumping into the hot tub since THAT should be safe today. Roger has a way of showing up unexpectedly but since he's a Seventh Day Adventist I know he won't be hauling anything today since this is his sabbath also. But, She Devil was clammering for her tuna and then I started to play some computer games instead of going outside.
Good thing. As I was typing a shadow flickered across my computer screen. I turned to look out the window and expected to see a deer walking down towards the feeder since it was a fairly large shadow. Nope. Just Roger. He's out walking around on the hillside behind the house. Really glad now that I wasn't in the hot tub, that would have been MOST embarrassing.
This should bother me more than it does, but since I will be giving up my private life soon and living in closer proximity to my neighbors I figure I might as well get used to it.
I had some friends shocked that I was giving up my doll making stuff to prepare for this journey. It seems odd to me also, but it's just "stuff" and can be replaced. What can't be replaced is the smooth beginning to a new live. I want to do this right and it requires removal of as much dead weight as possible.
While watching my favorite show last night (In Plain Sight) she commented on how having too many choices often leads to the wrong one; or worse yet, no decision at all. This is how I felt about all my dollmaking stuff staring me down. It was overwhelming to have so many options that I couldn't focus on any one theme or idea, so nothing got done and then I felt like a failure and a fraud.
Here I was with this huge gorgeous studio that many artists would kill for with a basement full of fabric and props just waiting for that inspiration as well as books and patterns galore. The problem was I had too much inspiration and not enough ability to see any one thing through to the end. This made me feel like an imposter, as if having the things could make me an artist. I was approaching it backwards.
In one of my new favorite blogs, "A Big Creative YES" I learned that people often feel they must HAVE things to DO what they want and then BE the person they desire to be. When in reality you should BE the person you admire most, then DO the things you must do and lastly HAVE the things you need. The least emphasis should be on the "have". I am trying to switch this around in my life.
Long Live the Queen of BEING not having
"people often feel they must HAVE things to DO what they want" ... that says it all. I often feel that if I just had one more thing, one certain brand and color of water paint or a special pen or paper .... then I would be able to create. Intellectually, I know that's stupid because, on the other hand, I know if I were one of those contestants on Survivor I wouldn't be laying around moaning about being bored and hungry, I'd be seeing what I could make out of palm fronds and vines.
ReplyDeleteOh why didn't I read this before I sent in yet another order for beads? I was thinking I needed MORE colors, MORE sizes so I'd be MORE inspired ... but yet, I sit and stare at all the "stuff" I already own and feel like a failure ... you put it very well, as usual! From now on, I'll read your blog BEFORE I hit the "order" button ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you putting things into perspective. I'm also one of those folks who needs a whole room full of supplies before I can begin to create. You're right. I do not need all that stuff. One of these days, I will begin to pack up a lot of it and pass it along to someone else.
ReplyDeleteI've finished my bunny duties. Now I get to sit back and enjoy the day with Tootsie. Tonight it's back to work. We're wishing you a Happy and Blessed day. Hugs, Edna B.