Today is Mother's Day and I always have mixed emotions, but each year gets a little better. My mother has been gone now for three years and with time the pain eases.
There has been a post on Facebook lately that is meant to be humorous, but hits me differently. It's suggesting that you buy wine as a mother's day gift...since you are the reason she starting drinking in the first place. Well, that's not so funny when that's what you grew up hearing. Yup, I was blamed with ruining her life and as an excuse for her alcoholism.
This made buying the perfect mother's day card difficult as a kid since they they were all sugar coated and flowery. Best Mother in the World! Nope, that didn't quite cut it. I was wishing for a card that simply said Thank You for Not Aborting Me. But even that wouldn't sum it up when it had been explained that if abortion was an option in the early 5o's I wouldn't be here.
But, she had me...by desire or not. And I am extremly glad for that gift of life. And I'm grateful that the smoking and drinking she did during the pregnancy seems not to have harmed me in any way.
Life is precious, no matter how it comes about. I envy those who adored their mother and am jealous of the kids that had mothers worth adoring. But I am thankful for what I have been given.
You can't control your childhood, but you can take the reins as an adult and try to understand what happened and go forth and make your life as good as possible. Much of my comedic tendencies were forged in this childhood and humor has been my salvation.
My heart also goes out to those women who have miscarried, lost children, never been able to have children or have remained childless by choice who also have to endure the cheery "happy mother's day" greetings chirped out by every sales clerk you encounter today. I'm guessing I'm not the only one who avoids shopping on this day or conflict.
And there are many men who are the only mother's their kids will ever know. I think of my cousin who lost her mother at age 11 and was thrust into being the woman of the house at a very tender age, learning how to do the laundry, clean, cook and care for herself. It's not that her father was absent or uncaring, but he was a state trooper and she had to quickly learn to fend for herself as he couldn't always be there for her.
There are many men who are single parents and are some of the best "mommies" I've met, as well as being the daddy. And yet they are not greeted with this blessing.
It's one of those awkward moments, like listening to Merry Christmas for weeks on end while being a Jew. You learn to let it wash over you. But this holiday always hits a raw nerve.
So, I will continue to lie low until this day is over and regular life resumes.
Long Live the Queen of Survival