Sunday, May 12, 2013

The Dreaded Happy Mothers Day Event

Today is Mother's Day and I always have mixed emotions, but each year gets a little better. My mother has been gone now for three years and with time the pain eases.

There has been a post on Facebook lately that is meant to be humorous, but hits me differently. It's suggesting that you buy wine as a mother's day gift...since you are the reason she starting drinking in the first place. Well, that's not so funny when that's what you grew up hearing. Yup, I was blamed with ruining her life and as an excuse for her alcoholism.

This made buying the perfect mother's day card difficult as a kid since they they were all sugar coated and flowery. Best Mother in the World! Nope, that didn't quite cut it. I was wishing for a card that simply said Thank You for Not Aborting Me. But even that wouldn't sum it up when it had been explained that if abortion was an option in the early 5o's I wouldn't be here.

But, she had desire or not. And I am extremly glad for that gift of life. And I'm grateful that the smoking and drinking she did during the pregnancy seems not to have harmed me in any way.

Life is precious, no matter how it comes about. I envy those who adored their mother and am jealous of the kids that had mothers worth adoring. But I am thankful for what I have been given.

You can't control your childhood, but you can take the reins as an adult and try to understand what happened and go forth and make your life as good as possible. Much of my comedic tendencies were forged in this childhood and humor has been my salvation.

My heart also goes out to those women who have miscarried, lost children, never been able to have children or have remained childless by choice who also have to endure the cheery "happy mother's day" greetings chirped out by every sales clerk you encounter today.  I'm guessing I'm not the only one who avoids shopping on this day or conflict.

And there are many men who are the only mother's their kids will ever know.  I think of my cousin who lost her mother at age 11 and was thrust into being the woman of the house at a very tender age, learning how to do the laundry, clean, cook and care for herself.  It's not that her father was absent or uncaring, but he was a state trooper and she had to quickly learn to fend for herself as he couldn't always be there for her.

There are many men who are single parents and are some of the best "mommies" I've met, as well as being the daddy.  And yet they are not greeted with this blessing.

It's one of those awkward moments, like listening to Merry Christmas for weeks on end while being a Jew.  You learn to let it wash over you.  But this holiday always hits a raw nerve.

So, I will continue to lie low until this day is over and regular life resumes.

Long Live the Queen of Survival


  1. Considering your upbringing, YOU have been the great, fun, cool, understanding mother figure to many. Me and my brothers included. Love you!

  2. I am sorry for the difficult childhood, but the truth is, you are who you are today because you had the strength to rise above it. You have children (Don't know if they are yours, Right Brain's, or both of yours, but yours either way)and wonderful Grandchildren ... and even a Granddog. You are blessed in ways many never will be and it is all because you saw your way clear to make a good life out of the lemon you were handed. I respect that and I respect you ... Mothers day is a day you can celebrate, not all of the fluffy "Best Mom in the World" stuff, but the strenght of a good women who has proven that we all have it in us to be a good person. Thank you for being you ... Happy "You" Day Queen of Inner Strength.

    Andrea @ From The Sol

  3. And just so you know ... I commented on two of your posts today and had to go through that egregious "prove you are not a robot" thing at the end of each of them and am about to do a third. If that doesn't tell you how much I think of you, nothing will! :)

    Andrea @ From The Sol

  4. Thank you for this. I fit both ends of what you write of here. This is a very awkward, painful day for me. I am blessed to have my "FurKids", which is why they mean so much. Thank you for this post. A lot of people don't get it, even while saying they do. I guess you have to experience it to truly understand...and I do.

  5. I hear where you are coming from. But you see, today was a day for YOU to be celebrated as the Mom figure. Your children and any other young life that you may have touched celebrate YOU today. Today, YOU are the special lady in their lives. You are you because you are strong and have the will to live as good a life as you can. And I am very glad that you are you.

    As for Christmas, well I do not apologize for saying Merry Christmas to you. I know you are Jewish and I wish you a Happy Chanukka. But I also wish you a Merry Christmas too. I've spent a good deal of my life celebrating and sharing both holidays. Many of my friends and family are Jewish. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.

    When I was young, I always wanted to be "somebody". It's tough to be nobody important. When I got older, I still wanted to be "somebody". When I was studying for my Masters Degree, (39 yrs) I had to write a paper about who I was. It was then that I realized what an important "somebody" I really was. The day my first child was born, I became a Mommy. In her eyes, I was the most important person in the world. Wonder why it took me so long to see it? By the way, that baby is in her 50's and still says I'm the best Mom ever.

    Instead of thinking about your Mom on this day, think of how glad your children/child are that you are their Mom. (I don't know how many children you have, but I think you are a very special person to them.) You are a very special lady. Remember that!

    Pogo and I are off to dreamland now. You have a wonderful night. Hugs, Edna B.