Friday, October 28, 2011

Madness in a bathroom stall

Why do they do this?  What members of the public need the toilet paper this low?

You know what I'm talking about.  You settle into a bathroom stall at your favorite restaurant or store and when it's time to do the paperwork it's located in a huge plastic cylinder three feet wide and about six inches from the floor.

If the previous occupant didn't leave a paper trail to find it you have to reach up into the mouth of the plastic monster and feel around for the end of the paper....cause you sure can't look up in there unless you're laying on the ground.  And at this point you are in no position to go anywhere.

So you find yourself doubled over (easier now after losing 30 pounds, but still..) and stretching your right arm across your body and up at an unnormal angle to reach inside for the tissue you so desperately need.

And then you manage to get a hold of it and pull, only to have to feel it snap off with a teensy little piece of fluff that you know is not sufficient for the job "at hand".  So you venture in again and again.

I feel like I'm in a gym class or attempting some kind of yoga pose such as downward facing anxious dog.

Oh, did I mention it's one of those stalls that you have to walk into and close the door behind you as you face the stool because there sure isn't any room to turn around and do this.

So, here you are...doubled over, arm across the body and stretching upwards and your head inches (or touching if you're tall) the door.  Now picture this for a vertically challenged woman such as myself and as you desperately lean forward your feet are leaving the floor.

Is it just me that fears the next step?  I always have visions of being in just this predicament and going forward into a front somersault off the toidy.  And with the door so close being wedged upside down between the door and the toilet.  With my pants off.

What would one do?  Do you ask politely for someone else in the room to open the door so you can continue rolling out and come to a stand flourishing a fist full of toilet paper held overhead pronouncing "ta da!"?

This is why when in this situation I am overcome with hysterical giggling, because this is the image in my head, albeit not a pretty one.

So when you see someone walking out of the bathroom trailing toilet paper on their shoe, don't be so quick to laugh.  You have no idea the battle that she has just been through!

Long Live the Queen of the Throne

1 comment:

  1. I sure hope you are writing all this down in a future upcoming book. You've given my day a wonderfully funny lift. I'll remember not to laugh at such a situatiion in the future. I never realized what could be going on behind the stall door. What I hate even worse, is finding NO paper at all in the stalls. Hint: always keep a couple of tissues in your pocket. You have a wonderful day, hugs,s Edna B.