Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Life as a Homeless Crazy Cat Lady

It was only for a brief period of time, but now I have a better feeling of what it's like to live in your car...as a crazy cat lady.

Today was the day to get the RV in for service.  We needed to find out what made the check engine light come on back in Missouri and get an oil change.  That required Left Brain driving it in for these procedures and for me to camp out with my feline friends, George and Gracie.  This was how I started to celebrate my 62nd birthday.  Sheesh.  I couldn't even get the cats to wear the stupid party hats or anything.  And with all those claws I sure wasn't going to have any balloons in the car!

Nuh uh!  Don't even think about strapping those stupid party hats on our heads or you will feel our wrath!


So we woke at 5:30 and shuffled two bewildered cats out to the Honda and then prepared the RV for moving.  Whether you're going one mile or one thousand, it's the same procedure.  Everything is stowed away safely, all utilities unhooked and slides brought in.

I watched my husband pull away as I started trying to calm down two excited cats who were nervously tossing fur all about the car.  It was no time at all before the food dish was kicked over spreading food all over the floor of the passenger side.  I told them the dashboard had too much of a slant to lay on, but would they listen?


Then they both used the litter box, which was good thing I guess, except for the horrible odor in a small space with windows up.  It was worse than sharing a sleeping bag with someone who farts in bed.  But that passed and thankfully it was a nice cool day so the windows up felt good.

I tried to read for a bit, but it's hard to do with a continous parade of paws over your body, flicking their tails like some kind of crazed drum majorette.   Up and down, over the lap, up the shoulder, down the other side...again and again and again.

Finally I decided the best thing to do would be crawl in the back with them and try to take a little nap.  Now our old van would have been comfy, but the Honda CRV's seats don't really go completely flat so there was a bit of an incline and a ridge right about where my ribs were.

I did find that a container of plastic bags and a roll of paper towels do make a suitable pillow.  Sensing that I was relaxed enough to sleep (or at least pretend to) they finally settled down and George curled by my feet and Gracie draped herself over my arms and part of my head.

It's not easy to get comfortable wedged between a litter box, a plate of cat food and two apprehensive cats.  Maybe it was laying on a toy mouse that was bugging me.  I think it was a toy mouse...I was afraid to look.

After a restful nap (note the sarcasm here) I prepared to return to the front seat, slip on my clogs and find a bathroom.  I don't recall any difficulty in getting into the back, why was this so hard?

I'm sure watching me try to manuever my portly self between the bucket seats and into the drivers seat looked a bit like a Tim Conway skit.  After several attempts and curious stares from the cats...thankfully no people...I managed to get halfway there and got stuck on the arm rest.  Now I was working up a full fledged case of the giggles...not good with a full bladder for an older woman.

It was about 10:30 when I finally prevailed and was almost to the campground facilities when I saw See-More (our RV) turning down the road.  This confused Left Brain a bit as he saw the car with two cats and nobody else in it.

I arrived back just in time to help direct him back unto the pads for the jacks.  He hooked up the outside stuff and I made the inside ready for the return of two grateful cats.  Gracie went in fairly smoothly but George leapt from my arms in his excitement to get in and clawed up my forearm.  It seems life with George will always be a bit on the bloody side.

Then I vacummed the fur, litter and food out of the car and started to get it ready for packing up to leave.

When I tried to fanagle my husband into taking me out for lunch for my birthday he said no.  What?  It seems our daughter and her clan have arranged a surprise birthday party celebration for me tonight.  Hmmm.  Okay, I can handle that.

So he had a sandwich and I heated up the leftover spaghetti for lunch and started to play with my notes for our North Shore trip coming up soon.

All in all it's been a good day and a grand start to my 62nd year.  I've already filed for my Social Security online, so that's done.  I think it's gonna be another great year.

Long Live the Queen of Crazy Cats

3 comments:

  1. I'm laughing at the crazy cat lady trying to make it out of the CRV with a full bladder...lol. Glad you made it and have a great B-day!

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  2. When you publish your first book, please send me a signed copy. I want to be able to say "I knew her when". Thanks for the giggles, I needed that. It would have been such fun to be a fly on the wall and watching all of this. I have to give you credit for attempting to sleep in the back of the car. I hope your surprise birthday party is lots of fun. Enjoy your day, hugs, Edna B.

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